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              <p><font size="2" face="arial" color="#FFFFFF">Wednesday, August 
                21, 2003<b><br>
                <br>
                </b></font><font face="arial" class="headlines" color="#FFFFFF">FTC 
                Chair: Do-Not-Spam list won't help</font></p>
              <p><font color="#FFFFFF">ASPEN, Colo. - Federal Trade Commission 
                Chairman Timothy Muris said Tuesday that efforts in Congress to 
                establish a Do-Not-Spam List won't help prevent the popular processed 
                meat product from being served in diners across the world. Spam 
                first captured the imagination of the public when it was used 
                by missionaries as a healthy alternative when weaning cannibals 
                off of human flesh. The texture and taste of Spam was the closest 
                thing to human flesh that could be found and seemed to satisfy 
                the indigenous peoples that had traditionally preferred to have 
                their friend over for dinner.</font></p>
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            <p>When it was pointed out to an embarrassed Timothy Muris that Spam 
              referred to the practice of sending mass emails to the public and 
              not the yummy meat of Monty Python fame, he confidentially commented, 
              &quot;I knew that.&quot; </p>
            <p align="left"><font color="#FFFFFF" size="2"><i>-Clark Brandon</i></font> 
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