New York, NY - After 18 months of speculation, the proposed merger between the Affleck Corporation and J.L.O. Enterprises that would have created one of the largest and most powerful multimedia conglomerates has been blocked by the Federal Trade Commission and the Securities and Exchange Commission. The new company (NYSE: 2RICH) was originally to merge last year, but had been postponed to allow for both companies to gain more market share in the music and film industries before beginning an aggressive joint marketing campaign.

The campaign, nicknamed "Gigli", was designed to capture 87% market share and bring both corporations in excess of 36 million dollars in revenue. Instead the joint venture failed miserably, causing the stock of both companies to plummet. The falling stock caused many formerly strong stocks, that traditionally have performed well, to be dragged down with it because of ties to the two companies. These include director and CEO Kevin Smith's ill fated venture Jersey Girl, Inc., which has yet to go public after delaying the launch a year.

In addition to blocking the merger, the FTC has launched an
investigation into the proposed direction of the would-be company. Inside sources suggest that documents may be made public later this year that prove an even more aggressive marketing campaign was in the works that involved incorporate Affleck and J.L.O into the pledge of allegiance in place of God. Other plans include:

• Making terrycloth jumpsuits mandatory for all women.
• Having butt-chins genetically inserted into the DNA of all unborn
children.
• Making the popular PBS children's show of the eighties "Voyage of the
Mimi" required viewing for 2nd graders.
• A supreme court ruling that guarantees that Affleck cannot lose to the
gay guy from Sex in the City on "Celebrity Poker".
• The US to propose a UN moratorium on all Gigli and Bennifer jokes worldwide.

J.L.O.'s ass had no comment on the ruling.

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