Friday, September 3, 2004

Mutilated horse found outside of GOP NY Headquarters

New York City - A disturbing discovery was in NY early this morning outside of GOP headquarters. A mutilated horse carcass was found by a campaign staffer. The horse seems to have been put down early this week and various bruises and mutilations are present all over the animal. Several suspects were originally proposed by police investigators, including Al Qaeda, the Mafia and the deranged priest that interrupted the Olympic Marathon earlier this week - however less than an hour after the discovery was made, a confession was phoned in to police. In a statement released minutes ago, Karl Rove, the man running the Bush campaign, confessed to the mutilation and that he wasn't alone.

"We were working late last night trying to figure out some way to get some momentum going into the convention and I had the idea of bringing up Kerry's war record again along with reminding people about 9/11. I think that's when the horse gave up the ghost. I'm sorry this horse had to die, but we are in a very tight race here."

He continued, "I think Mary Beth Cahil, the woman running the Kerry campaign got a few licks in too. She stomped it a few times with her heels, then picked up an antiwar banner and started flogging it. The horse was dead, and she just kept beating it. After ten minutes or so we had to restrain her."

-Clark Brandon

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