Wednesday, October 6, 2004

President Bush found beheaded, unharmed

MOSUL, Iraq - Police have found the decapitated body of President Bush in the northern Iraqi city, police and hospital officials said on Tuesday. He is apparently unhurt despite being kidnapped several days ago and flown to Iraq to be beheaded as a strong political statement to the US and the world. Unfortunately the stunt backfired when Bush's headless body got up from the ditch, dusted off his suit and hailed a cab for downtown Mosul.

"I have a history of being underestimerated," said Bush. "I often use it to my advantage."

A surprised medical staffer told reporters, "We examined the President thoroughly, but despite his ordeal, no vital organs appear to have been damaged."

Bush will be flown back to the U.S. to resume campaign stops in key swing states. The President will be reunited with his head one day prior to the debate after it was found being used in a soccer game at an al Qaeda training camp outside Kirkuik.

- Clark Brandon

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