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New York City - Unwitting Americans across the country expressed shock and awe at an unexpected air attack by Al Qaeda. Blue, red, white, green and purple incendiary devised were detonated in the skies over every major American city. Americans gathered by the thousands with beer coolers and BBQ'ed ribs to witness the horror.

One of the many attacks

"This is incredible!" said one obviously distraught man sipping on a Lowenbrau.

"Yipeeee!" said one terrified child holding a sparkler.

No one is quite sure how Al Qaeda was able to perpetrate such a bold attack on America. New evidence suggests that many involved in the attack were insiders in city government. Perhaps even more shocking is the evidence that taxpayers picked up the tab for the attack.

Miraculously no one seems to have been injured in the heinous attack, however many American's were found passed out in bushes covered with their own vomit. Some witnesses claim that the rockets were indeed the dreaded "dirty bombs" that everyone has feared.

"Yo, NYC be dirty, y'all. We got 'da bomb goin' on up in heezy, son," said one terrified resident of New York's Bedford Stuyvesant neighborhood.

- Clark Brandon