the Wired Press > Archives

HOUSTON, Tx - Texas law enforcement detectives, famous for their thorough work investigating the Kennedy assassination and skill at protecting dead witnesses, see no reason to believe J. Clifford Baxter’s death is anything other than a suicide.

“He was the only high level executive at Enron to question their business practices, he resigned because of it, he cared very deeply about his employees, and he was worried about testifying against other Enron execs in court…then he suddenly killed himself. Seems like a pretty cut and dry case of suicide to me,” said Barnard Fife, a spokesman for the Houston Police Department.

mark of the beast

Fife also cited unusual behavior and moodiness by Baxter as evidence, “He told friends a few weeks prior to the incident that he was feeling ‘under the weather’. Then the morning of his death his wife said in her statement that he reached for a glazed donut at breakfast instead of the usual cream filled, so he was clearly under duress.”

When asked about Baxter’s suicide note, Fife responded, “I’m sure lots of people make a suicide note out of cut out letters from a newspaper.”

The Houston Police’s position is reminiscent of the crack detective work investigating the dozen or so witnesses that died before they were able to testify before the Warrant commission.

“Lots of pedestrians are killed in Dallas every year. Of course not all of them are then backed over several times, but we think it was an honest mistake and see no reason why anyone would want to have them killed,” said Roscoe Coltrane, spokesman for the Dallas PD from 1959-1966.

-Clark Brandon