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Tests run by UCLA scientists on the DNA of Gary Busey and Nick Nolte have discovered once and for all that the two actors are indeed separate entities.

Although the two actors have never appeared together on film, have played the same characters for many years on end and seem to share the same knack for alcohol and drug abuse, with GHB as their drug of choice, the study was concluded with results that they are not the same person as once believed.

Uh...

"I thought that he was great in that movie with Eddie Murphy. I mean, with Eddie Murphy's career completely wasted, sometimes I love to get out my old VHS of 48 Hours. Back when the old black/white buddy buddy films weren't so played out and cliché, I thought that Gary played an excellent role as Jack Cates," said Jacob Thomas, a longtime fan of Busey's.

"I always forget who is who," remarked Ana Rodriguez, Blockbuster employee. "I always forget which one had a DUI while driving under the influence of booze and GHB and which OD'd on GHB and cocaine. They both do seem to really know how to party though."

Both of the actors' careers began around the same time (1971) and have both seemed to have their up and downs. Being that the up and down dates didn't completely correlate, many believed that one would switch off between the two identities at will, thereby cutting their acting criticisms and police records in half.

Upon coming to their conclusion and publishing the results, the scientists are already underway determining whether or not Leelee Sobieski is a resurrection of Helen Hunt's career and discovering a cure for cancer.