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Let there be light

While attending a "Pimps for Jesus" seminar, we met Mr. James and he agreed to share this text with us, and you, beloved readers. And now, we at
the Wired Press are proud to present the first installment of the King Rick James Bible…

1:1
In the beginning God created the earth and the heavenly bodies.

1:2
And the earth was without curves, or volumption; and a fine blackness rested upon the skin of a deep chasm. And the Instrument of God slid along the face of the mother earth.

1:3
And God said, let my light come onto you: and there was light. A lot of light.

1:4
And God saw the light, that it was damn good: and God wiped away some of the light from ebony eyes.

1:5
And God called the lighter Farrah, and the darker he called Pam, all the evening and all morning on the first day.

1:6
And God said, Let my firmament be in the midst of your waters.

1:7
And God enlarged the firmament, and spread the waters which were laying underneath and then divided the waters which were above: and it was so good.

1:8
And the waters called his the firmament "Heaven". All the evening, all night long and all the morning on the second day.

1:9
And God said, you two under my heaven, get unto each other, and let me watch until my dry land reappears and you heavenly bodies blow my mind 69 times: and it was so good.

1:69
And God called his dry land Gearth; and the gathering together of the waters called he his Bitches: and God felt that it was real good, honey.

1:70
And God said, Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb - no seeds, and the flowers yielding fruits, whose opiate seed can be spread upon the earth: and God saw on high that it was good stuff.

4:20
And thus "past out" was God on the evening and the morning of the third day.

1:21
And God made two great lights; the greater light to deal throughout the day, and the lesser "Player" light to rule the night: he made girls stars also, but always got his money.

1:22
And God sent them into the barrio of the heaven to deliver his urban songs throughout the earth.

1:23
And thus God partied as such throughout the evening and into the early morning on the fourth day.

1:24
God then crumbled the mountains to a fine white powder and divided them into to perfectly straight mountain ranges. God then went punky-funky and thus consummated every heavenly creature that moveth, which his waters brought forth vigorously, after their kind, and every winged cock after his kind: and God saw that it was Freaky.

1:6.9
And God blessed them, saying, Be fruitful, and multiply, and let my winged cock orgify the earth.

1:70
And the evening and the morning were the fifth day of spacey love.

1:71
So God created Prince in his own image, in the image of God created he him; Eddie Murphy and She-male, created he them. He did show then the Dirty Samurai and the Hanging Susan. He then falsely imprisoned them with ropes and chains and punished them vigorously.

1:72
And God said, Let us make man in our image, after the likeness of my winged cock: and let them practice domination over the bitches of the sea, and over the mangina of the air, and over the framer's sheep, the aquatic fresh water eel, the polyester trouser snake and over every creep that creepeth upon the earth.

1:73
And God said, Behold, I have given you many vials bearing blow, which sendeth derision, rhinestones and misery on all the earth, and rains my wicked backhand down with vengeance and furious anger.

1:87
And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was damn good. And thus the police arrived on the sixth day.

2:1
And on the seventh day God ended his work and the
aggravated mayhem which he had made; and saw that it was so good that he can't touch this, and thus rested in the house of
Folsom State Prison, weary from all the good lovin' gone bad.

2:2
These are the propagations of the heavenly bodies and of the Gearth when they were consummated, in the day that God the creator,
Count Funkula, made the earth and the heavens Superfreaky.

- Clark Brandon