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In a stunning report released by the RIAA and The Johns Hopkins University School of Public Health today, studies have found a higher than usual occurrence of Hepatitis B and the HIV virus in intravenous music piraters who share files.

It is an addiction

The RIAA says that it will setup exchange programs within the next few months to help combat this epidemic. Internet users who share files are told to bring their hard-drives, CDs and zip disks to the nearest program to seek treatment.

"File-sharers who share more than 1 gigabyte of mp3s daily are considered high risk and are urged to discontinue at once and to immediately call the RIAA or their local police...er, hospital and check themselves in immediately.”

"This finding lends clear support to advocates of file-exchange programs as well as to the distribution of viruses that can be used to disinfect files, "said RIAA spokesman Doug Currie. "Users may lose many of their copyrighted mp3s in the process, but we are saving lives," explained Mr. Currie.

- Jehovah Rock