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Front Page News: Wishing You Luck

From: Joe Biden
Date: Tue, Jun 21, 2011 at 6:49 AM
Subject: Wishing you luck

Renaldo --

The President and I have a routine -- every Friday I find out from his staff where he is having lunch, then join him. Even after three years, he still gets surprised when I show up.

Having a meal with the President is a great honor, and soon four lucky supporters will get to share in that experience.

Donate or more today and you have a shot at winning dinner with President Barack Obama.

Front Page News: Wishing you luck

There won't be any cameras or audience -- just you, three other Americans, the President and myself if I can get the details from his staff.

I don't have all the specifics yet, but I'm pretty sure the President will be footing the bill. But just in case, have some money on hand. If I have any say on the matter, we'll be getting Italian. If you don't like pasta, you might not want to enter.

If you're one of the lucky winners, there are a few things you should know about dining with the President.

Front Page News: Wishing you luckFirst of all, he hates it when you talk while chewing. The President has scolded me on more than one occasion for that, and I can't say I blame him. I get so excited talking about my favorite episodes of the X-Files that I often forget there is a big chunk of sandwich in my mouth.

I remember being particularly excited after watching episode 3x17 ("Pusher"). Long story short, a meatball destined for my stomach ended up on the President's tie, and he was none too happy. He did agree the episode had a riveting premise and that mind control is a scary thing.

It probably goes without saying, but keep your hands off his food. Some people are fine with that sort of thing, but not the President. I'm usually the first guy to polish off a meal, so I have to stop myself from grabbing a French fry or piece of garlic bread from nearby plates. The President just about karate chopped my arm off once when I reached for a handful of salad.

Another thing to avoid is asking him about classified UFO documents. I'm sure you and I are both of the same opinion here, but please leave it to me to get those documents out in the open. I've started the delicate process of buttering him up, and I'm very near to sealing the deal.

You definitely don't want to get the President talking about Quantum Leap. He loves the heck out of that show, and will talk about it all day if you let him. I find it pretty boring myself, so I try to steer the conversation away from any stories or historic situations that might remind him of Quantum Leap episodes.

Finally, since I'll probably be there, please be careful of spoilers. Because of important work in Washington, I have not been able to progress beyond the first couple episodes of season 4.

I'm also behind because I launched a new initiative in hopes of getting the President up to speed with me. During our weekly lunches, I play episodes on my portable DVD player. I have to do a lot of pausing when less polite people start talking, so we've only made it through a couple episodes. It's a slow and frustrating process, but we'll get there.

You don't want to miss this opportunity!

Best of luck,

Joe Biden

- Vice President Joe Biden

This Week on Something Awful...


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7 Responses to “Front Page News: Wishing You Luck”

  1. frita
    July 2, 2011 at 4:19 pm #

    US President Barack Obama's camp has collected money from 493,697 individual donors at the end of the first significant fundraising quarter of the 2012 election cycle.

  2. pand lobasson
    July 10, 2011 at 6:43 pm #

    I SUPPORT THE PRESIDENT, I SUPPORT THE PRESIDENT, I SUPPORT THE PRESIDENT!!!!! SOUTH PARK, TX SUPPORTS THE PRESIDENT, ACRES HOMES SUPPORTS THE PRESIDENT, THIRD WARD SUPPORTS THE PRESIDENT, FIFTH WARD SUPPORTS THE PRESIDENT, TEXAS CITY SUPPORTS THE PRESIDENT, LAMARQUE SUPPORTS THE PRESIDENT!!!!! WE SUPPORT THE PRESIDENT, WE SUPPORT THE PRESIDENT, WE SUPPORT THE PRESIDENT, WE SUPPORT THE PRESIDENT WE SUPPORT THE PRESIDENT.
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  3. gay provenier
    July 19, 2011 at 11:49 am #

    of course they do!!!! but they prefer cheese bread like the first answerer said. i had this friend called billy he was a terrorist he used to have garlic bread in every meal!!

  4. moulo
    July 20, 2011 at 12:18 pm #

    Ummm, my favorite car is my...mini-van. It has the controls in the steering wheel for the radio/CD/DVD player, it has a DVD player, which is INVALUABLE for long road trips with a 4 year old, the back 4 seats are removable for moving stuff or large purchases, the side doors and the tailgate are all remote controlled so if my hands are full I can thumb a button and the door/gate I choose opens automatically. Did I mention it has the Godsend DVD player? Oh and it has traction control, which is really nice.

  5. kasberly pepito
    July 30, 2011 at 7:58 am #

    Do you think the policies being proposed by Barack Obama will move the country in the right direction or the wrong direction?"

    Right Direction 88 % Wrong Direction 11% Unsure Direction 1%
    2/24/09

  6. douramousc grand
    August 5, 2011 at 3:58 pm #

    [CNN] Obama to unveil jobs push for veterans: President Barack Obama will outline a new initiative Friday that a...

  7. fishi huyffe
    August 6, 2011 at 8:46 pm #

    RT rel="nofollow" This 'Planet of the Apes' sequel is a quantum leap forward | Philadelphia ...