RSS Reset

Paul Ryan Vows to Continue Kevorkian’s Work

Paul Ryan Vows to Continue Kevorkian’s Work

WASHINGTON (The ) – In a somber Congressional ceremony, Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI) eulogized the late Dr. Jack Kevorkian today, vowing to “honor his legacy by continuing his good work.”

“Dr. Kevorkian tried to ease the transition of seniors into the great beyond,” an emotional Rep. Ryan told his colleagues in the House of Representatives.  “Here in Congress, we have the opportunity – one might even say the obligation – to continue Kevorkian’s work on a grander scale.”

As a first step to memorialize the work of Dr. Kevorkian, Rep. Ryan said that his new budget plan would replace Medicare with a system of so-called “Kevouchers” that could be redeemed for cyanide pills, nooses and bullets.

In other political news, Rep. Anthony Weiner (D-NY) suffered another setback today, in the form of these harsh words of criticism from former President Bill Clinton: “In my day, we’d show it to ‘em in person.”

The avalanche of ridicule suffered by Rep. Weiner in recent days finally drew some pushback from a member of the congressman’s staff.

“It is time for all of these babyish ‘wiener’ jokes to stop,” said new Weiner spokesman Hugh G. Rection.

Elsewhere, a new study shows that when you talk on your cell phone everyone around you can hear every fucking word you’re saying.

Get the Borowitz Report delivered to your inbox for free here.


Email This Story to a Friend

Source: Paul Ryan Vows to Continue Kevorkian’s Work.

News Tags: , , , , ,

kevorkian

Similar News Stories

13 Responses to “Paul Ryan Vows to Continue Kevorkian’s Work”

  1. steinlins
    June 26, 2011 at 7:55 pm #

    Fear not. In the shot where you see Mitty, he is in Royal Oak (Home of the late Dr. Kevorkian)on about 12 mile road, but when you see the burnt out houses, that is Detroit, down past 8mile. Funny how you can do that in a video.

  2. ang bartone
    June 30, 2011 at 10:09 pm #

    Hillary is a spoiled sport. She should get a emmy for her don't cry for argentina re-mix, " Please cry for Florida and Michigan". The Clinton's are only running hard because they have favors to repay once she gets in office. Obama is no Rev. Wright, just like Hillary is no former president Bill Clinton! Stop provoking and invoking racial mess into the elections. If Hillary grabs the nomination you can best believe it will be by HOOK or CROOK!

  3. stade
    July 4, 2011 at 5:32 pm #

    Have a great time out there in the wilderness and wi-fi void. Yes, you are a regular reader of Hanna's (thanks so much) and I've seen your comments. Since you are so close to her geographically, I would think that a lot of her local political news would be more topical for you guys than for the rest of us. But...maybe not, we do all live in this global community afterall.

  4. rena
    July 14, 2011 at 6:03 am #

    These news-comedy shows bring extra attention to the political races. Stewart and Colbert have a way of breaking down hard political news and simplifying it down making it easy to understand (while sticking to the truth) and then turning it into comedy. This helps all viewers understand politics easier, and helps influence their choices in who to vote for.

  5. nai
    July 19, 2011 at 9:53 pm #

    In Ken Burns' excellent PBS series "The Civil War" there is an interview with the author Shelby Foote. Mr Foote wrote the equally excellent trilogy "The Civil War" of course.

    During the interview Mr Foote mentions that one outcome of the war was that it made the United States an "is". He said that before the war people would refer to the country as "...these United States are...". After the war when the issue of secession had been settled, people began to refer to the country as "...the United States is...".

  6. biekel chi
    July 24, 2011 at 11:32 am #

    I would clean up the two argument paragraphs. Lay out all of your pros and cons and then go into them. E.g., change "There seem to be two overarching principles supporting the legalization of physician-assisted suicide: autonomy and mercy." to "Two overarching principles support the legalization of physician-assisted suicide: autonomy and mercy." and change "There are several sound arguments that reason against physician-assisted suicide; the concept of the “slippery slope” is one of the most prominent." to "Arguments against physician-assisted suicide include the “slippery slope,” reduced focus on palliative care, religious dogma and the possibility of recovery."

  7. frada wantanfana
    July 28, 2011 at 12:15 am #

    Absolutely. Paul Ryan should kiss Newty's diamond-encrusted hand in supplication.

  8. guini
    July 28, 2011 at 5:36 am #

    "Paul Ryan Vows to Continue Kevorkian’s Work; Medicare to be Replaced with ‘Kevouchers’"

  9. hauerlu
    July 30, 2011 at 3:08 pm #

    Exactly on point, Stephen. Since Jack Kevorkian was the cause celebre for the Left on this issue, it's relevant who he is, and to ask why a respectable doctor wasn't out leading this charge.
    Michael, you won't like this response, but there's a relevant Bible passage-- "As a man thinks in his heart,so is he."
    Besides, Jack brings the subject up in every conversation on the topic. It would be strange and intellectually dishonest to ignore it. The problem is, Jack's defenders hate where the conversation goes.

  10. mohadamyla
    August 1, 2011 at 6:57 am #

    It is also important to note that students, including myself, have been lobbying Translink for years to withdraw support from the project. Consequently, Translink's support for the project has been wavering long before they decided on their 10 year budget plan last month. This is why the construction and completion dates for the terminal kept being pushed back by UBC.

  11. carojek
    August 2, 2011 at 6:16 pm #

    Because her being a woman is a cornerstone of her campaign and because there is the former president Bill Clinton.

  12. stard lebellant
    August 4, 2011 at 11:54 am #

    Glenn Beck Moves to Sci Fi Channel

    NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) – Landing on his feet just hours after his program was dropped by Fox News Channel, controversial host Glenn Beck announced today that he had just inked a new contract to join the cable network Syfy, formerly known as the Sci Fi Channel.

    Mr. Beck said that his program was "a perfect fit" for a schedule of programming packed with aliens, paranoid conspiracy theories and alternative universes.

    Mr. Beck said that his new deal would run “until 2012 or the end of the world, whichever comes sooner,” and that he would be paid in gold bouillon and ammo.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yOynBwfpOMU

  13. sudail teodore
    August 8, 2011 at 3:41 pm #

    Fundamentally correct? I do not think so.

    Quote:
    A new NASA-funded study has concluded that Amazon rain forests were remarkably unaffected in the face of once-in-a-century drought in 2005, neither dying nor thriving, contrary to a previously published report and claims by the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change.

    "We found no big differences in the greenness level of these forests between drought and non-drought years, which suggests that these forests may be more tolerant of droughts than we previously thought," said Arindam Samanta, the study's lead author from Boston University.

    "Our results certainly do not indicate such extreme sensitivity to reductions in rainfall," said Sangram Ganguly, an author on the new study, from the Bay Area Environmental Research Institute affiliated with NASA Ames Research Center in California.

    "The way that the WWF report calculated this 40% was totally wrong, while [the new] calculations are by far more reliable and correct," said Dr. Jose Marengo, a Brazilian National Institute for Space Research climate scientist and member of the IPCC

    Edit: You said that the findings were fundamentally correct. This latest study says otherwise. I provided a link to prove my point.

    Most of the peer review reports sited in you letter, [...]

Leave a Comment

You must be logged in to post a comment.