NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) – Hours after the state of Alaska released 24,199 emails written by Sarah Palin during her tenure as Governor, a celebrated supercomputer created by IBM failed to translate the messages into English.
IBM computer scientists who work in the company’s language recognition lab were initially optimistic that Watson, the computer that rocketed to fame as a contestant on television’s “Jeopardy” game show, would have no problem cracking the code of Gov. Palin’s gubernatorial emails.
But the scientists grew concerned when Watson stalled after five hours of nonstop processing and billows of smoke began to emanate from the supercomputer’s vents.
Finally, Watson issued a terse “ERROR” message, reading, “Not a recognizable language.”
An IBM spokesman said that while Watson had failed in his mission, there was probably not a great wealth of information in the emails to begin with: “From a total of 24,199 emails, 24,195 of them were out-of-office autoreplies.”
For her part, Gov. Palin seemed unfazed by the news, using a stop on her bus tour to blast Rep. Anthony Weiner (D-NY): “In Paul Revere’s day, he had to ride from door to door to show people his penis.”
In another setback for the GOP presidential field, one day after former House Speaker Newt Gingrich’s campaign staff quit en masse, they released a brief statement explaining their actions: “We all simultaneously realized he was a douche.”
Mr. Gingrich’s former staff would not divulge their precise location, but are rumored to be hiding somewhere in Pakistan.
Despite the mass defection, Mr. Gingrich remained upbeat today, announcing that he would replace his entire staff with imaginary friends.
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Source: Supercomputer Fails to Translate Palin Emails into English.
News Tags: alaska, sarah, House Speaker, brief statement, Ken Jennings
Borowitz Report: - "Rick Perry’s Campaign Slogan: ‘What Harm Could a Governor of Texas Do?’" ROTFLMFAO
Sarah Palin knew Paul Revere personally.
Just another ( in a long,long line) reason, to dimiss the Republican party as nothing more than hateful morons.
"Imaginary friends" is exactly how my wife refers, disdainfully, to the lot of you. Thank you, and keep up the good work.
static062038240049.dsl.hol.gr is sending out thousands of spam emails but they are claiming to come from my address. Hence I am getting thousands of autoresponders (no address found, out of office autoreplies etc).
I have emailed and in the hopes they can stop this. There is not a lot I can do about this though is there?
Bangalore has good bus tours operating on most days. Go to any B'lore web site There are quite a few of them. Also any travel agent can help. The cost of hiring a driver for the day can be very reasonable.
I live in Bangalore and when I have visitors I have always use DAK Travel, I forget the website but is easy to find. The drivers and cars are always good with good English and always a reasonable cost.
cheers I hope you Mum and Dad have fun, I think its a great city.
New York Man Returns To Prison After Legendary Three Escapes -
He has no convictions & he has no spine. And he is NOT a leader.
I heard Anthony Weiner on Morning Joe explaining that military tribunals can't used because that format simply hasn't been set up. Since Bush's attempts were thrown out of court, no one's found a lawful way to do it yet.
So why hasn't the long-winded boob taken a minute away from his perpetual campaign to explain it to the public?
Ridiculous.... WOW.
Even if you are not into Hip Hop, you have to know Pac was one of the greatest artists/poets of his time. He was phenomenal and forever will be. I'll be damned if some fake ass magazine who needs attention will ruin this man's legacy and spit dirt on his name when he's not alive to defend himself.
I say fire the entire staff of Blender who helped write, print and produce this article.
2Pac is a legend and will forever be one. R.I.P
A growing wildfire in the mountains north of Los Angeles spread over nearly 9 square miles of bone-dry forest Saturday, forcing evacuations and sending up massive billows of smoke that were hampering air operations, officials said.
The blaze in the steep San Gabriel Mountains above La Canada Flintridge continued to move out in all directions, the most active flanks to the north, deeper into the forest, and east, Luna said.
The fire was 5 percent contained.
The flames burned increasingly lower down the edges of the mountains and crept toward the northeast edge of the city of Altadena, where some residents were ordered to evacuate.
WASHINGTON (AP) — Sarah Palin says she didn’t mess up her history on Paul Revere.
The potential 2012 presidential candidate was in Boston on Thursday as part of her bus tour when she was asked about the Revolutionary War hero.
Palin said Revere “warned the British that they weren‘t gonna be takin’ away our arms.”
Palin, a paid Fox News contributor, told “Fox News Sunday” that she was correct. She says there were British soldiers in the area for years before Revere’s legendary ride, and that he was warning them, as well as his fellow colonists.
The Paul Revere House’s website says that on April 18, 1775, Dr. Joseph Warren instructed Revere to ride to Lexington, Mass., to warn Samuel Adams and John Hancock that British troops were marching to arrest them.
Now to add insult to injury, our much learned scholars that are running this state have found it necessary to omit from our history books such persons as George Washington, Paul Revere, Neil Armstrong, Ronald Reagan, and many others. They had to make room for Opra Winfrey. Where in the world are we going? I suppose Kanya West will be next in line as a great historical person to look up to.
Speaking of skanks; although the precise location is really stressing my memory, it was in the 1980's, on a low wall, on the north west corner of either Outram or Colin Street, and Hay or Murray Street, West Perth, that I witnessed the uncensored version of this most memorable example of Perth graffiti.
" If Dunlop had used p*ssflaps, they'd never wear out "
Anyone else ?
p.s. Interesting assumption, TLA. That's opened up a whole new dimension for famous song titles.